Children with ADHD often struggle with impulsivity, which can make interacting with peers challenging. Sometimes, these social interactions can be strained because of emotional regulation and timing issues associated with ADHD. But did you know that there is a way to help your child overcome these challenges so they can make friends more easily?
I’m Jennifer Davis, I’m an occupational therapist at Joy & Laughter Developmental Therapy. Today, I’m going to talk about ADHD and social skills.
How ADHD Can Affect Turn-Taking
When engaging with peers, back-and-forth turn-taking is an important skill. Children with ADHD often struggle with:
- Response inhibition – the ability to stop yourself from interrupting or immediately acting on an impulse
- Timing – the ability to recognize when it is the right moment to speak, act, wait, or respond during an interaction or activity
- Attention – the ability to stay focused on a person, activity, or task without becoming distracted by other things happening around you
This is why it can be hard for them to understand that it is not always their turn when playing a game. It can also be hard for them to wait while their friend takes a turn. Children with ADHD may also struggle with remaining attentive to an activity while their friend is participating. They may see something more interesting while it is their friend’s turn and walk away.
It is not that the child is trying to be rude. Some of the deficits associated with ADHD can make turn-taking challenging.
Emotional Regulation and Social Interactions
Emotional regulation can also play a big part in a child’s ability to engage socially. Emotional regulation is the ability to manage emotions and respond to situations in a calm and appropriate way, even when feeling frustrated, excited, disappointed, or upset.
When a child is having big emotions or becomes upset because they lost a game, it is not their turn, or things did not go as planned, those emotions can impact the other children trying to play with them. Other children may not want to play when someone becomes upset easily during the game. It is often easier for children to play with peers who have good emotional responses because it makes the play more enjoyable.
Children with ADHD who struggle with emotional regulation can often feel left out socially. It is not that they do not want to play with their peers, and it is not that they are not trying to be a good friend. Oftentimes, they are struggling with some of the underlying deficits associated with ADHD that can make social interactions hard.
Impulsivity During Conversations
Sometimes you may notice these challenges during conversations. A child with ADHD may be very excited to share all the amazing things they did over the weekend, but they may not give their peers an opportunity to share their thoughts.
Typically, conversations have a back-and-forth pattern. One person shares something, the other person responds or shares something back, and the conversation continues that way.
A child with ADHD who struggles with impulsivity may not recognize when they are not giving their peers an opportunity to communicate. This can create an imbalance in the conversation, and other children may not want to engage when they do not have an opportunity to participate.
Using Gentle Cues and Scaffolding
When working with children who struggle socially, we often want to provide support. Adults are often better able to withstand some of the impulsivity associated with ADHD communication.
An adult may cue the child by saying something like, “Can I have a turn?” or, “It’s my turn to talk now.” This gives the child a gentle reminder that conversations need back-and-forth interaction.
We are also able to help children understand how their behaviors may affect others. For example, we might say, “I haven’t had a turn yet,” or, “It makes me sad when I don’t get an opportunity to play.” This gives the child a cue to recognize that another person would also like a turn.
Why Children with ADHD May Feel Left Out
When children are playing with peers, other children often do not yet have the cognitive skills to express their frustrations. Instead, they may simply walk away.
This can leave the child with ADHD wondering what they did wrong. They may feel confused and think, “I was just trying to play the game. Why does nobody want to play with me?”
In the clinic, we help coach children through some of these social challenges so they can better understand what may be happening during interactions with peers.
Most children really do want to engage and participate socially. They often just lack the skills to recognize why social interactions may not be going well.
The Importance of Connection
When working with children, we really want to focus on connection. When children feel connected, they are better able to tolerate some of the disappointments that come with social interactions, like not always getting the next turn.
If your child feels well connected, they are more likely to wait while another person takes a turn, even when they really want to go next. When we help build connection and confidence in children, they are better able to gain independence in their social interactions.
Get Support for Social Challenges Associated With ADHD
If your child with ADHD is struggling socially or having a hard time making or keeping friends, give us a call. We would be happy to help you and your child learn some of the underlying skills that can improve social interactions and help your child engage more successfully with peers.
