Play is one of the main ways children learn about the world around them. But for many parents, play doesn’t always look the way they expect, and that can lead to questions or concerns. If it feels like your child isn’t playing, understanding the different stages of play can help you better recognize what your child is actually doing and how to support them.

My name is Elise. I’m an occupational therapist at Joy and Laughter Developmental Therapy. Today, we’re going to talk about what you should know if it doesn’t feel like your child is playing.

Why Play Is so Important

Play is a very important part of childhood. It’s something kids do all the time, and it’s how they learn and explore their environment. Play supports development in many ways, which is why it’s so important.

So, what do we do if it feels like your child isn’t playing? The first thing to know is that there are many different ways kids play. A lot of times when a parent tells me, “My kid isn’t playing,” the very first thing I ask is:

  • What does your child do?
  • What do they do in their spare time?
  • What do they seem to enjoy?

Often, what parents are noticing is actually sensory motor play.

What Sensory Motor Play Looks Like

Sensory motor play can look like opening and closing doors, dumping things out, turning lights on and off, or knocking towers over instead of building them.

All of these activities are ways children learn about their environment by taking in sensory information. This stage of play is completely typical and appropriate. It’s usually seen in kids from birth to around two years old.

This is the first stage of play, where children are learning things like how gravity works, what sounds objects make, and how things feel in their hands. This is how they learn about their environment and begin to build important motor skills.

Why This Stage Still Counts as Play

During this stage, children are building coordination between what they see, what they feel, and how they move. They’re learning how one hand works with the other to come together and play. This is a really important stage. It is play, even though it might not look like play in the way we imagine it—where a child is pretending, building something, or working toward a clear goal. Those things are play, but they’re later stages of play, and they come along eventually.

Meeting Your Child Where They Are

Sometimes we see children who are older than two years old but are still playing in the sensory motor stage. That’s not a bad thing. That’s just where they are, and that’s how they’re still exploring. What we can do as adults is meet them at that level of play. We play in the same way they’re playing.

We show them we can connect that way. We can make things fall down, make sounds, and engage with the same activities, too. Then we can start to add to that play. For example, we might knock over a block tower so it crashes, and then stack it back up—adding construction while still keeping sensory play involved.

These things are really important to identify because play is also a way that you build a relationship with your kiddo. That’s how they engage with you, especially at these young ages. Meeting them on their level is how we can really build that relationship.

Why Skipping Stages Can Be Frustrating

If we skip ahead and try to play at a stage your child isn’t ready for yet, it can be frustrating for both you and your child. It’s really important that we hit these stages and we build upon them. If a child is two stages behind where we think they “should” be, skipping ahead can be confusing. They won’t have built the skills they need at each stage to be successful in higher-level play.

For example, let’s say we have a kiddo who just really loves to stir a sensory bin. They dump things in, they stir it, they dump it, they feel it on their hands, they watch it fall, etc. And then we try to take turns at playing Candyland instead.

That game might not go successfully. It might feel like a chore to the child. It might feel like more work than it is enjoyment, because reciprocal play, taking turns back and forth with a more structured activity, is not the level of play that they’re at.

Building Play Skills Naturally

The first step as a parent is identifying what stage of play your child is in, even if it doesn’t look like play to you. From there, you can build off that stage without rushing or pushing your child forward too quickly.

When we meet children where they are, we can start adding small aspects of play like turn-taking, putting things together, taking things apart, or following short directions.
These small additions help children move naturally from one stage of play to the next.

Reach Out for Expert Support

Our team at JLD Therapy runs a very play-based, child-led clinic. We use play as an important tool to support development. If you have further questions, that’s exactly what we’re here for.

Reach out to us today, and we can help you understand what stage of play your child is in and how to support the next stage. And subscribe to our YouTube channel for more helpful videos from our therapy team on supporting your child’s development.